Why don't I want to have sex with my husband anymore?

Sexual Trauma and Sexual Desire: Why the Connection Can Feel Complicated

If you’ve experienced sexual trauma, you may have noticed that your relationship with sexual desire feels complicated—or even confusing. Some survivors struggle with a lack of desire and wonder if something is “wrong” with them. Others may notice the opposite—that desire feels heightened, but not always in ways that feel safe or connected. And for many, it can swing back and forth between both.

You’re not broken for feeling this way. These are very human responses to experiences that were overwhelming, frightening, or violating.

How Trauma Affects Desire

Sexual trauma impacts not just the body, but also how the body and brain work together when it comes to safety, intimacy, and pleasure. Desire doesn’t exist in a vacuum—it’s tied to our nervous system, our emotions, and our sense of security.

• For some survivors, desire shuts down. The body and mind may avoid anything that feels like a reminder of the trauma, and sex can feel unsafe or disconnected.

• For others, desire may show up in unexpected ways. Sometimes the body responds with arousal even when the mind doesn’t want it, which can feel confusing or even shameful.

• And for many, desire feels unpredictable. Some days it’s there, other days it’s not—leaving survivors wondering if they’ll ever feel “normal.”

All of these experiences are common. They’re not a reflection of your worth or your ability to have healthy, fulfilling relationships.

The Role of Healing

Part of trauma recovery is making sense of these confusing responses and learning to reconnect with your body in ways that feel safe. Therapy can help you:

• Understand how trauma shaped your experiences of desire

• Release shame around your body’s responses

• Explore intimacy at your own pace, with safety and choice at the center

• Rebuild a relationship with sexuality that feels empowering, not overwhelming

A Gentle Reminder

Your responses to trauma are not evidence that you’re broken—they’re signs of how deeply your body has been trying to protect you. Healing isn’t about forcing desire to look a certain way. It’s about creating safety, choice, and connection so you can move toward intimacy on your own terms.

You deserve to experience sexuality in a way that feels safe, free, and aligned with who you are.